Dec 27, 2008

no one understands.

no one ever will.

Dec 23, 2008

oh, my friends it has finally arrived! the eve of christmas! which to me is often the very best part of the whole season combined! it is the day where excitement reigns & anxiousness exalts! i am most pleased with the weather also! it is a lovely grey day & we all know how much i enjoy those! now tonight, i plan to sip hot smores coco & write in my journal of the lights. also, i will light a candle in my room! it will be quite the party, i think! vanilla, pinkie, & i. :) & perhaps some last minute touches on the present i made for ma mere! oh, have a wonderful holiday my loves!

Dec 22, 2008

bonsoir, mon amie. je t'aime beaucoup. oui.

Dec 21, 2008

the tresses are gone. how sad. i resemble a young girl now. which is a little silly in my opinion. i would very much like a pair of tights from someone. anyone. i love tights, yes i do. (:

Dec 17, 2008

Dec 13, 2008

this is my christmas blouse. i am most excited to wear it for the twenty-fifth. with a star around my neck too!
oh, the moon was out tonight, hung so low along the horizon, a golden yellow, the crevices & indents so prominent. it truly was a sight. &MY! how people cannot appreciate it! how amazing it was to me! something beautiful, just dismissed! oh, what a shame! i truly do not know how creative people make it. for the ignorance others hold in the art department is truly poor! i cannot help but be astounded! do you understand what i mean? what if i don't want to match? & all of you think it is alright that your socks are not paired correctly. so what can i not wear shoes that don't match my dress? is it a crime to be different? i understand my hair is a wretched mess, but it belongs to me, for it grows out of my head! can i not have it the way i want?
i feel to horrid lately. i am slipping back into the days. the days i feel no one understands who i am. that i do everything with reason. oh, what a pity people only look with eyes half closed & mind not open!
i am distressed, i apologize. & i do not wish to hamper on anyone's spirits. i just want to be loved is all. & how silly, i am hardly deprives of it. perhaps i am just ranting? oh yes, very much so. it is like hermione on spew! hah ha! i do miss my potter... mm, yes. well, if you do read this, i hope you realize my mind is hardly as deep as a ditch. how awful! i must sound like a petulant thirteen year old! i am not thirteen, i am a very very precocious fifteen year old.
oh am i? do tell. your answer excited me.

i like days very much like this.
i must report, i very much do wish that i could find the strength in me. for i wonder what i will do in life. what am i good at? you see, i find a great interest in many things. however, i fear that these things may not support me like i wish they would. oh, could they? how about you? do you ever worry about things such as this?

Dec 11, 2008

i'm feeling a little down in the dumps today.
perhaps it is nothing, but i am slightly worried.
et toi, mon amie?

Dec 8, 2008

i am most ecstatic, i must confess. for my dearest blogger friend of the tea drinking english rose has awarded me with something i truly do not deserve. an award, oh my how can this be?
i will express my ecstatic feelings to you in a comment, my dear. for earlier i wrote you the longest of comments on your most recent post & my internet connection failed. oh, zut! *sigh
anyways, i took pictures of my christmas lights & felt quite happy. i wish i lived out of the country... perhaps in france by myself for a day. for people often suffocate me. i do love them, but being alone regenerates me for the better. (:
i saw him today. determined not to make a fool of myself. yet i fell back into the pit that is my adoration for the boy who has yet to learn who i am. he'll never look my way & i am thankful for that. though my heart jitters as he walks past me, my mind tells me otherwise...
however this weekend i found the truth...
it is sad. i am plagued with dreams of you.
i do not mean to sound mellow dramatic. so have a lovely night, my friends.

Dec 4, 2008

i fell in love first at seven. he was silly & eight. round & had an adorable smile. then i found adoration for another one at ten. he was smart & handsome. & along came twelve & another boy who i was hardly ever ardent with. & then another one at the same age, as the hormones began to kick in. & i faintly recall dreaming of kissing him. he had dimples. then there was the bad one. the cocky one, who would be described as "hot" or just very fetching... & then the nice boy. the cute one. the first one to confess his silly love for me. oh, it was very silly at thirteen. but i liked it. & then the boy who still holds my heart. he is the one. for two years he's held my hand & made me cry. he pushes me on swings & plays with my hair. i like him very much so. but perhaps, there is also another one of the male species... you see, he doesn't know who i am. & he is very beautiful. he has eyes that pierce my soul & tickle my feelings. they are olive. or perhaps even gold. a striking gold & when he smiles it touches his eyes in the most absurd of ways. & those eyes twinkle. but this boy does not know my name. & we have never spoken. it is alright, i suppose. i take comfort in having that one boy who will keep my on my toes. from afar, it is fine. for he is not good for me. he is not good for me. but i would give many things just to touch his lips with mine...

Dec 3, 2008

i am quite ecstatic! i got cent percent on my ap euro test! :D i am delighted.
here is the rich brown hair i wished to possess. however, that is not likely. (:

Dec 2, 2008

playground love & flightless bird american mouth
they play & soothe my soul to the bone. if you have yet to hear those fantastic pieces of music you truly are missing out. how are you? & yes, i shall write. i want to. promise. happy day.