Dec 27, 2008

no one understands.

no one ever will.

Dec 23, 2008

oh, my friends it has finally arrived! the eve of christmas! which to me is often the very best part of the whole season combined! it is the day where excitement reigns & anxiousness exalts! i am most pleased with the weather also! it is a lovely grey day & we all know how much i enjoy those! now tonight, i plan to sip hot smores coco & write in my journal of the lights. also, i will light a candle in my room! it will be quite the party, i think! vanilla, pinkie, & i. :) & perhaps some last minute touches on the present i made for ma mere! oh, have a wonderful holiday my loves!

Dec 22, 2008

bonsoir, mon amie. je t'aime beaucoup. oui.

Dec 21, 2008

the tresses are gone. how sad. i resemble a young girl now. which is a little silly in my opinion. i would very much like a pair of tights from someone. anyone. i love tights, yes i do. (:

Dec 17, 2008

Dec 13, 2008

this is my christmas blouse. i am most excited to wear it for the twenty-fifth. with a star around my neck too!
oh, the moon was out tonight, hung so low along the horizon, a golden yellow, the crevices & indents so prominent. it truly was a sight. &MY! how people cannot appreciate it! how amazing it was to me! something beautiful, just dismissed! oh, what a shame! i truly do not know how creative people make it. for the ignorance others hold in the art department is truly poor! i cannot help but be astounded! do you understand what i mean? what if i don't want to match? & all of you think it is alright that your socks are not paired correctly. so what can i not wear shoes that don't match my dress? is it a crime to be different? i understand my hair is a wretched mess, but it belongs to me, for it grows out of my head! can i not have it the way i want?
i feel to horrid lately. i am slipping back into the days. the days i feel no one understands who i am. that i do everything with reason. oh, what a pity people only look with eyes half closed & mind not open!
i am distressed, i apologize. & i do not wish to hamper on anyone's spirits. i just want to be loved is all. & how silly, i am hardly deprives of it. perhaps i am just ranting? oh yes, very much so. it is like hermione on spew! hah ha! i do miss my potter... mm, yes. well, if you do read this, i hope you realize my mind is hardly as deep as a ditch. how awful! i must sound like a petulant thirteen year old! i am not thirteen, i am a very very precocious fifteen year old.
oh am i? do tell. your answer excited me.

i like days very much like this.
i must report, i very much do wish that i could find the strength in me. for i wonder what i will do in life. what am i good at? you see, i find a great interest in many things. however, i fear that these things may not support me like i wish they would. oh, could they? how about you? do you ever worry about things such as this?

Dec 11, 2008

i'm feeling a little down in the dumps today.
perhaps it is nothing, but i am slightly worried.
et toi, mon amie?

Dec 8, 2008

i am most ecstatic, i must confess. for my dearest blogger friend of the tea drinking english rose has awarded me with something i truly do not deserve. an award, oh my how can this be?
i will express my ecstatic feelings to you in a comment, my dear. for earlier i wrote you the longest of comments on your most recent post & my internet connection failed. oh, zut! *sigh
anyways, i took pictures of my christmas lights & felt quite happy. i wish i lived out of the country... perhaps in france by myself for a day. for people often suffocate me. i do love them, but being alone regenerates me for the better. (:
i saw him today. determined not to make a fool of myself. yet i fell back into the pit that is my adoration for the boy who has yet to learn who i am. he'll never look my way & i am thankful for that. though my heart jitters as he walks past me, my mind tells me otherwise...
however this weekend i found the truth...
it is sad. i am plagued with dreams of you.
i do not mean to sound mellow dramatic. so have a lovely night, my friends.

Dec 4, 2008

i fell in love first at seven. he was silly & eight. round & had an adorable smile. then i found adoration for another one at ten. he was smart & handsome. & along came twelve & another boy who i was hardly ever ardent with. & then another one at the same age, as the hormones began to kick in. & i faintly recall dreaming of kissing him. he had dimples. then there was the bad one. the cocky one, who would be described as "hot" or just very fetching... & then the nice boy. the cute one. the first one to confess his silly love for me. oh, it was very silly at thirteen. but i liked it. & then the boy who still holds my heart. he is the one. for two years he's held my hand & made me cry. he pushes me on swings & plays with my hair. i like him very much so. but perhaps, there is also another one of the male species... you see, he doesn't know who i am. & he is very beautiful. he has eyes that pierce my soul & tickle my feelings. they are olive. or perhaps even gold. a striking gold & when he smiles it touches his eyes in the most absurd of ways. & those eyes twinkle. but this boy does not know my name. & we have never spoken. it is alright, i suppose. i take comfort in having that one boy who will keep my on my toes. from afar, it is fine. for he is not good for me. he is not good for me. but i would give many things just to touch his lips with mine...

Dec 3, 2008

i am quite ecstatic! i got cent percent on my ap euro test! :D i am delighted.
here is the rich brown hair i wished to possess. however, that is not likely. (:

Dec 2, 2008

playground love & flightless bird american mouth
they play & soothe my soul to the bone. if you have yet to hear those fantastic pieces of music you truly are missing out. how are you? & yes, i shall write. i want to. promise. happy day.

Nov 30, 2008

i want to write you. perhaps i could write letters everyday to people who i hardly know or know too well. & perhaps when i die, they will be sent. then people will know i'll always watch out for them. yes.
i would like to do that. (:
as of now i am winding & winding my music box which plays a song that will be very tired when i am done with it. as of now. somewhere over the rainbow has played a total of seven times within the last ten minutes, i should say. i would very much like to wear my mittens. i love my mittens. oh & my house is jovial with christmas spirit. papa's guitars line the base of the christmas tree & it is silly to me. (:

Nov 29, 2008

i'd like to be your silly little nerd.

Nov 27, 2008

while i listen to cassandra, the beat playing.
my headband glistens & the sun creeps by.
i smell like nina ricci & my fabric lays upon my bed.
i wrap myself in it.

i heart lookbook

Nov 25, 2008

i'm feeling rather collective at the moments, pardon moi.
today it rained. & i have felt a slight cleanse. but my, his eyes today. have you heard of these eyes? so piercing. is that so unbelievable? i'm aware that i am surrounded by such beautiful people, however, he just seems to take the cake. & whenever i truly imagine him, it's lunacy. i've never felt more smitten with the sight of someone. which is quite alright. i fear if he were to ever learn my name, all the magic would sparkle & fade away. that is why i am so content, with the adoration from afar. perhaps, if you saw him too you'd understand. even from far away his cheeks feel soft to me. oh the insanity of it all. the odd tense in my stomach, twisting & knotting. how my emotions play such a part! oh, the dread if ever i were to stop! but, wait. i have. so many times, reluctantly. it is alright, though. for, now there is something to look forward to everyday...

Nov 24, 2008


dear the tea drinking english rose,

hello doll. i would very much like to help you with your essay. (:
now. my comfort has always been. my twilight. by stephenie meyer. when i am absolutely upset to the utmost, i turn the pages of this silly book & day dream of edward & his undeniable affection for dear bella. it's truly beautiful. it comforts me for it leads me to a place up the coast, & in the rain with puddles of icy water & splashes. & a boy forever seventeen, that has captured not only the min character's heart. but mine as well. how? i don't quite know. i suppose its the reality of it all. the subtle fantasy. yes, actually. i do happen to use different objects, things words to help my through my time of need. often i'll write upon a sheaf of paper, or perhaps listen to my music. melodic piano instrumentals, etc.
anyhow. i do hope i've contributed. you're a lovely girl & i wish this would make it all the more easier for you!


Nov 23, 2008

this was amazing. in my opinion. since it's not very possible to fit everything from a book into a movie. (: but boy oh boy it was lovely. i loved the credits more than the movie however. (; jk?
i actually don't know. but this was a very good adaptation.

Nov 21, 2008

Nov 19, 2008

my heart is heavy. and the devastation weeps within my soul. how a boy was living his life one second, & lying with an IV in his arm the next. a man, terrified & frantic swept unconscious from a hit. & when he wakes up he has no legs... a little girl. it was an accident. she dropped it. & now everyday she is ridiculed... because all she wants if for her fingers & thumb to grow back.
i signed. i didn't think twice. i cried. it came naturally. & now it is my mission to get you all to listen too. take some time. be a pal. help out those people struggling. for many cannot hear. cannot see. cannot walk. & we. perfectly capable of doing all of the above.
it's a shame if you don't sign. & it breaks my heart if you don't even glance at it. please help me sleep comfortably tonight. please tell me you'll sign.
click the image to guide you to a better world.

abless at flickr
is amazing...

often i dream of a sweet boy who will tell me something like, "i want to be the hair in your eyes" because he wants to be the thing that obscures everything. i know it is silly, but often i wish someone would whisper in my ear. make it natural & beautiful. words like, kindle, soft, and charming.
because i like long walks by myself. thinking of the nights in december. watching the streetlights go on sitting at the window, arms curled around my knees. i like things people do not notice, cannot see.
& i like you. he has got part of my heart in his pocket. & the rest is on my sleeve.

Nov 18, 2008

there's beauty in every flicker of a candle & every sprinkle of dew. if we take the time to slow down, to even capture the essence of the air & what it evokes within you... maybe you too could witness beauty as people never do. it's the simplicity in that everyday things a gift. like the fluff of a cotton pillow. the crunch of the leaves. the pavement & its tiny crevices. let the little insignificant things inspire you.

Nov 16, 2008

Nov 15, 2008

i want this.

Nov 12, 2008

for i love pretty words for ugly things. & love & hope. i like grass & the setting sun. leaves & their silhouettes. & sometimes hot cocoa when it's cold. i like fog on a window. & mittens paired with red noses. the sky when it's purple, & eyelashes that fringe. the scent of cinnamon mixed with some sort of warmth. even ribbons in hair. i like streusel & purple yam. pianos & string. laced edges & pearls. i love saturday afternoons & grey clouds coating the sky.

good night, day.
where art thou, morrow?
i adore these settings. especially because i know it gets colder. (: i miss the christmas air. where everyone has to sleep with long johns & pretty silk robes in the morning. (: